Resting…When You Can’t

I’m exhausted today. Completely and totally done in. It’s one of those days when my body and mind feel heavy. When I have no idea how I will be able to get dressed and get the kiddos to school in time…let alone make it through the entirety of the day. It’s one of those days where the human answer would be to scrap everything and crawl back into bed for another hour…or six.

It’s interesting. As last year was coming to a close and I was thinking about how I wanted to grow in the coming one, I chose the word “rest.”

Rest.

I wanted to learn how to just rest in the preciousness of Christ.

Rest.

In each moment. Each circumstance that I have been given.

Rest.

Take each day as it comes. No worry. No fear. No fighting. No stress.

Rest.

In the sovereignty of my great God.

Rest.

In the truth of His Word and who I am through His Son.

Rest.

And now, as March comes to a close, I look back on three of the most exhausting months in my entire life. It’s almost comical. I chose the word “rest” and four days into the new year we added a 6th child to our home and family. We added a new oldest child. Almost ten. A boy. That kinda makes a difference in a family! Twelve days later, I started a new hormone treatment to help balance my body post-hysterectomy again. Let’s just say that the word “balance” doesn’t really come into play until a couple months into a new treatment. And then, dear hubby had a job change. Enough major life changes to last a year (or more) all in the space of three months.

And so, my physical world has been full of new schedules, “so sick I can’t eat” days, sleepless nights, migraines, readjusting kiddos at all ages and phases of life, new meetings, new professionals, new heartaches, a very heightened mental awareness that exhausts, new growth and challenges for everyone in the family, and a pace of life that just doesn’t stop.

And rest? Well, physical rest is nowhere in sight.

But does that mean I cannot rest? Does that mean all God’s promises of rest and sound mind and peace aren’t available? No. His yoke is still easy and His burden is still light. He is the Good Shepherd who prepares a place for me to lie down in green grass and drink from still waters.

Yes. Even within the confines of a chaotic physical world.

Rest can still be found.

So today, I’m resting.

Resting.

In God’s strength when the alarm clock rings but I’m already awake and have been for the majority of the night.

Resting.

In God’s mercy when I find my almost 2-year-old has unpacked every single one of the brand new packages of Ziploc bags I purchased yesterday. Like bag by bag. All over the kitchen. And the foil. The whole roll. And the toothpicks. And the twist ties.

Resting.

In God’s patience when a child throws a screaming fit. Again. And again.

Resting.

In God’s perfect plan when I’m so sick I can barely stand and the children need to be fed. When the schedule must go on.

Resting.

In God’s goodness when I’m holding a sobbing child and reliving their past trauma through their broken present.

Resting.

In God’s justice when it feels as though grievous sins of others appear to be going unpunished.

Resting.

In God’s omnipotence in the moment when I feel that nobody sees, nobody understands, and nobody is there to help.

Resting.

In God’s beauty when the house is trashed but the kids are screaming in laughter during their playtime together.

Resting.

In God’s forgiveness when I sin against my children. Again.

Resting.

In God’s wisdom when I recognize anew that I have none on my own.

Resting.

In God’s faithfulness when I see how carefully, how gently, we have been led. How we have been perfectly prepared for where we are right now.

Resting.

In God’s amazing love when little arms wrap around my neck and squeeze tight.

Resting.

You see. In all of it. The good, the bad, the ugly. God is God. He has given me everything I need and I don’t want for anything. In Him I have strength for this moment that He’s given to me. No matter how I feel. All I have to do is look up. Reach out. Cry out to Him. Remember His faithful, promise keeping character. And in Him I always find it. The rest I so desperately need. My heart can lie down in green pastures, even when my body cannot. My mind can rest on His promises, even when I can’t remember where I put my keys. I can rest. In Him.

And when it is finally the moment when I can lie down, rest my head, close my eyes, cuddle into that soft blanket on my bed… In that moment, the physical rest is made even sweeter because I have known a spiritual rest beyond compare. Through the day. And even the nights. When my body couldn’t physically rest. But the entirety of my spirit could rest completely in the security of the perfect and true character found only in my God.

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