Dear Mommy

Dear Mommy,

Do you know I held your baby boy this weekend? He is tiny, new, and helpless. Do you know how sweet he is? His little neck is wrinkly with newborn baby skin. Dry, peeling, perfect baby skin. His hands and feet are perfect. And tiny. His little nose wrinkles when he sleeps. He smiles when his belly is full. A crooked grin. A foreshadowing of the mischievous boy he will (no doubt) become. He loves to cuddle up next to my face while I whisper in his ear. He loves to be wrapped up tight, but always pulls one hand free up next to his face. Do you know I loved him? Do you know he’s forever in my heart? He is perfect and precious, and I held him for you.

 

Dear Mommy,

Do you know I was angry? In the middle of the night when I first held your baby boy, I was angry. As I bathed and re-bathed him. As I boiled the bottle and pacifiers. As I washed and re-washed the clothes. I was angry. When I tried to find kind words to explain his presence in my life to others. I was angry.  How could you allow this? How could you make this mistake? How could you forget how much he needed you? I was angry. At you.

 

Dear Mommy,

Do you know I understand? I understand your past. I know. I don’t know the details, but I know. The overall picture is most likely full of sadness. I understand. Becoming a mom when your life is already in broken pieces is hard. I understand. I know that you probably have no idea how to take care of yourself, let alone this precious boy. I understand. I know you’re trying. I know you want to try. I know it’s hard. I understand.

 

Dear Mommy,

Do you know how much I grieve for you? I know the world is broken. I know you love your little man and I know that you were terrified this weekend. I know your arms were empty. I know your heart was breaking. I know you didn’t know who was holding your baby. I know that you are probably broken. Lost. Alone. Without Christ. Scared. In pain. Defeated. Oh, how I grieve for you. How I cry over you.

 

Dear Mommy,

Do you know I pray for you? As I grieve, I pray. When my arms feel empty. When they miss holding your little boy, I pray for you. When I wake in the morning from a full night of sleep, I pray for you. When I put the baby clothes back in the dresser. Fold the blankets. Wash the bottles. I pray for you. When I print a picture and put it on our wall, I pray for you. And I will continue to pray for you. As the days go by and the weight in my heart changes: lessens, yet grows, I will pray for you. You see, you’re part of my family now. And I will pray for you.

 

Dear Mommy,

Do you know how much I love you? You’re so brave. You’re so strong. I know you’ve made mistakes. Made choices that cost you greatly. Made choices that ended up hurting your son. Made choices that made me angry. But I love you. I know I will probably never meet you in this lifetime. Can probably never tell you here, but I love you. Oh, how I long for God’s best for you! Oh, how my heart yearns for you to know you are loved.

 

Dear Mommy,

Do you know I hope for you? I know what your past is full of. I know how bleak your present is. But I hope. I hope for your future. I know that you are surrounded with help. And I hope for you. I know you have access to much. That many are striving for your success. And I hope for you. I know that people can grow. Can change. Can turn back down the path. Can make new choices. Can heal. And I hope for you.

 

Dear Mommy,

Do you know I long to see you someday? Do you know I pray, I plead with my Father to draw you near to Himself? To send light into your darkness. To rescue you. He loves you. He’s preparing a place for His children to live forever with Him. And I long. I hope. I pray. That someday I will see you. And your son. Again. Forever.

 

Dear Mommy,

“For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of His glory He may grant you to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your heart through faith – that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” (Ephesians 3:14-21)

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~for “Drew” on 10.26.14

 

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